Data Dump 20060326

revised data dump

what to do in this life and today i pour it out like this i like violin getting organized writing poetry doing research and playing guitar but it seems small while others build something with value. takes focus i'm sure and where does that come from besides deciding what to not do. i eat oatmeal and drink tea swim and shoot baskets or play raquetball with care for the knees and most days i check Dilbert. some people are much wiser and say less, think more, choose well, act considerately, are reliable, trustworthy, honest, prepared, and have straight teeth. all of this takes attention and of course time but mainly attention and ability to stay with something more than two minutes. this year an organization effort paid off for a while but the maintainence has slipped and here is a saturday and the choice is to reflect and write while the tea gets cold. somewhere my dad has written life adventures and someday i will read them, and somewhere my son is resting. ben franklin's autobiography is chocked full of advice for his son who had no interest, it goes like that. i wanted oh so badly to be a musician on the stage but chose instead chemistry which is full of problem solving and can be fun but when it becomes work is definitely work and it's not so easy to get it right. you see from the lab coat and safety glasses what this has led to, with the smile that thinks about being on stage. with chemistry came a focus on medicine and a selection of school and hours in the lab with a squirrel in my pocket, yes, a squirrel found quite young on the sidewalk, raised on a bottle, my companion and would sit on my shoulder, rarely bit, climbed up the curtains and had no clue what to do on a tree which was pretty sad the day a dog got it and reason enough to not repeat the experiment. life in the lab held instruments and computers and making them go and these years later much the same and my hair turned gray in grad school but that's genetic. yes graduate school because i liked solving problems, i also like plato's cave and wonder what's ahead. i've read the bible through and studied, schooled and golden ruled, argued and led and won but you know it all comes down to being desperately in need. i've asked for fixing and laid it all down and offered it up, admitted, committed, done groups and paid sessions, and journaled confessions, regretted regressions and forgotten concessions. i've spent hours learning to talk to machines and errors are frequent but found pretty quickly while people simply stop listening.